Summary of 2010

The year is almost ending. When I look back, I can see that this whole year was merely nonsense. I spent the first half of the year being extremely desperate to go school. After that, when I started school, I realised that the thing I've always wanted since the starting of this year is a bunch of bullshit. My grades are failing, the school sucks(I am telling you, I hate it there!). The only good thing that ever happened to me was the end of the year holidays.... I just can't believe it, one year was wasted just like that. Well, guess what? The bunch of bullshit I mentioned earlier? It has a part 2, but it only gets worst... I have to suffer another year of bullshit+a bonus at the end of the year! This time.... I really have to do something about my failing grades and not put my sufferings to waste. I sure missed the good old days...

You know, I think I have problem communicating with other people. This has gone from bad to worse since form 1. I mean when people are bored, they chat with their friends, but me, I can't seem to know what to talk about, additionally, I find myself quite boring... I also have another problem, I always end up at places I don't like, end up with people I don't like nowadays, maybe I took the everyone from last time for granted, eventhough I used get left out. Geez.... The worst is, why am I letting this get in my head!? I've always thought that by being alone, studies will be okay, but now, I realised one thing, its not easy being all alone, there is no one, absolutely NO ONE, who could help you when you encounter some problems in your studies. Or there are also times when you need someone to motivate you to study and improve yourself, this will also be a problem, why? Because no one can help. Argh, I wish there is a way to solve this.

I don't know about anyone else, but I think finding for someone who like the stuff I can like and not piss me off an impossible task. I mean, what kind of people likes to study what I study and is interested in what I am interested in while being someone I don't mind hanging out with.... People just made it look so simple... Will this last forever!?

Isn't this sad? Lets say, a warrior will enter battles after battles. And then, after many years, and after conquering many battles, he will find nothing but this empty feeling. Or maybe, this person, who have been chasing a dream where the whole world thinks its impossible to achieve, finally achieves it, but then to realise this problem, what happens after that? All this time, this person has only one goal in life, everything changes after that goal is achieved, everything this person know will never be the same anymore, so what happens? Lastly, this little boy who can see the path that he will be taking, after going through chains of unfavourable events, what lies in the end is nothing but emptiness..... Try being invisible and inaudible all of sudden, you exist, but you can't interact with anything in this world, then you look at the world without you, looking for someone who can help you to get out of this state but you can't since you don't exist in everyone's eye. Isn't it sad and scary?

Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more?
Before your life is over
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

No one ever lied straight to your face
And no one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
You never had to work it was always there
You don't know what it's like, what it's like

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like (what it's like)

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life

Finally....

After few months of not meeting up, except for a few of them, I met up with Chie Yang, Han Shen, Kah Kit, Hsu Hung, Long Xiang(sorta), Huey Teck(kinda, but I see him almost every week) , Yong Ken,Leon and Wei Xin today. It started with my going to Kl just to look for my further math tuition but it turns out that they don't teach it there, so I had to take the LRT back to the kelana station and go to 1u with the bus. Upon reaching there, I went up to the meeting spot(GSC) just to find out that I am the earliest, so I started walking around GSC while looking out for them. Then, Leon found me and we started chating for like around 10-20 minutes, and yes, the rest are late... Then Yong Ken showed up and Leon looked so happy when he saw him. After waiting for like I have no idea how long, Chie Yang , Hsu Hung and Kah Kit showed up. So we went up to the arcade to play Daytona. But in the end, I lost...... After that game, Huey Teck and Han Shen came, so we decided to go for our lunch at the steambot restaurant, but since the 50% discount offer will only start after 2pm, we went for something light so we can go for it later. We chose to eat at some yau chau kuai shop at the old wing and started chatting around and share experiences. We also manage to see Chie Yang's new target, luckily we are not from his college, otherwise we will ruin it for him.... After eating, we walked around aimlessly and I am not sure what were we doing.... But anyway, the group was split up with me, Ken, Chie Yang, Leon, Kah Kit and Hsu Hung roaming around doing something I can't remember while Han Shen and Huey Teck go to the arcade. All I do remember is when I saw this pretty girl in GSC, I asked Kah Kit if she is pretty, then Chie Yang said " If you want to see a girl, look at her up close." Then he told me to follow him and he walked right in front of her to take a look. That was when I realised Chie Yang changed into a braver Chie Yang after going to college, and I was told be someone that college and secondary school makes no difference. Anyway, I was flabbergasted. So while we walk around aimlessly while waiting for time to past, we chatted and I am impressed that Chie Yang made so much progress in just few months, while I... hahahahaha..... Anyway, after walking for a while, it is 2 pm, so the rest of the group went inside the restaurant while me and Chie Yang went to get Han Shen, Huey Teck left at that point. When we reached the restaurant, Long Xiang was already seating there, it turns out that he wouldn't be eating with us but he will stay for a while, Wei Xin joined us after a while(he didn't eat too..) and we ordered our food. After that, we chatted like we used to during form 4 and 5 which includes shooting, insulting , bullshitting, gossiping and teasing. After that, all of us(excluding Long Xiang, he left half way through) went to the cc much to Wei Xin's dismay. Me, Chie Yang, Kah Kit and Yong Ken was stuck at 1u while the rest left for cc because Yong Ken wanted to buy black gloves for his Hei cosplay and lost his passport photos, LOL, so we were late for 1 hour I think. We went cc after that and I got pwned at Quake and counterstrike. After the cc, we all went home.... Damn, I hope we can do this much often, my school life right now makes me miss my old school life. Oh yea, did I mention Pokemon Black and White can only be played on nintendo 3DS? How awesome is that?

Fragments of thoughts.

Ever had a situation where you can never get any help or support from people you can rely on? When this kind of situation happen, the only one you can rely on is yourself. If you are someone useful, you may not have any problem, but lets say if you are someone useless, what else can you do? And whats the deal with people always following other people around? How can people who live to support other people exist? Is there a chance that they have certain hidden agenda? And why do people expect you to follow someone's lead just because everyone else is doing the same, is it that fun? And why would people just give up and say, hey, that guy is better than me, I can't beat that person, what kind of rubbish is that? And isn't it annoying when people compare you to other people? Example, people saying "Hey, even that guy(someone everyone think is the best) can't do it, how can you do it?". I mean,what do they know? Don't you think group work is an ordeal? I do, because ever since form 2, group work means giving an idea where no one will care, working alone is so much better. Lastly, when everything fails to catch your attention or when everything starts to bug you, fall asleep and ignore everything.

Even if the persons body is in this world, his disappointment of this world caused his mind to wander of to another world, as the result, he is looking into this world he left with his eyes in this world from the other world.

Everything is not what it seems, maybe thats how life is........

My personality? Credits to Marcus

I have no idea why am I doing this.. =.=

Well, my personality is a mixture of ISTP, INFJ, INTJ and INTP
I really don't know which one is it, help me.
INTP-The thinker

As an INTP, your primary mode of living is focused internally, where you deal with things rationally and logically. Your secondary mode is external, where you take things in primarily via your intuition.

INTPs live in the world of theoretical possibilities. They see everything in terms of how it could be improved, or what it could be turned into. They live primarily inside their own minds, having the ability to analyze difficult problems, identify patterns, and come up with logical explanations. They seek clarity in everything, and are therefore driven to build knowledge. They are the "absent-minded professors", who highly value intelligence and the ability to apply logic to theories to find solutions. They typically are so strongly driven to turn problems into logical explanations, that they live much of their lives within their own heads, and may not place as much importance or value on the external world. Their natural drive to turn theories into concrete understanding may turn into a feeling of personal responsibility to solve theoretical problems, and help society move towards a higher understanding.

INTPs value knowledge above all else. Their minds are constantly working to generate new theories, or to prove or disprove existing theories. They approach problems and theories with enthusiasm and skepticism, ignoring existing rules and opinions and defining their own approach to the resolution. They seek patterns and logical explanations for anything that interests them. They're usually extremely bright, and able to be objectively critical in their analysis. They love new ideas, and become very excited over abstractions and theories. They love to discuss these concepts with others. They may seem "dreamy" and distant to others, because they spend a lot of time inside their minds musing over theories. They hate to work on routine things - they would much prefer to build complex theoretical solutions, and leave the implementation of the system to others. They are intensely interested in theory, and will put forth tremendous amounts of time and energy into finding a solution to a problem with has piqued their interest.

INTPs do not like to lead or control people. They're very tolerant and flexible in most situations, unless one of their firmly held beliefs has been violated or challenged, in which case they may take a very rigid stance. The INTP is likely to be very shy when it comes to meeting new people. On the other hand, the INTP is very self-confident and gregarious around people they know well, or when discussing theories which they fully understand.

The INTP has no understanding or value for decisions made on the basis of personal subjectivity or feelings. They strive constantly to achieve logical conclusions to problems, and don't understand the importance or relevance of applying subjective emotional considerations to decisions. For this reason, INTPs are usually not in-tune with how people are feeling, and are not naturally well-equiped to meet the emotional needs of others.

The INTP may have a problem with self-aggrandizement and social rebellion, which will interfere with their creative potential. Since their Feeling side is their least developed trait, the INTP may have difficulty giving the warmth and support that is sometimes necessary in intimate relationships. If the INTP doesn't realize the value of attending to other people's feelings, he or she may become overly critical and sarcastic with others. If the INTP is not able to find a place for themself which supports the use of their strongest abilities, they may become generally negative and cynical. If the INTP has not developed their Sensing side sufficiently, they may become unaware of their environment, and exhibit weakness in performing maintenance-type tasks, such as bill-paying and dressing appropriately.

For the INTP, it is extremely important that ideas and facts are expressed correctly and succinctly. They are likely to express themselves in what they believe to be absolute truths. Sometimes, their well thought-out understanding of an idea is not easily understandable by others, but the INTP is not naturally likely to tailor the truth so as to explain it in an understandable way to others. The INTP may be prone to abandoning a project once they have figured it out, moving on to the next thing. It's important that the INTP place importance on expressing their developed theories in understandable ways. In the end, an amazing discovery means nothing if you are the only person who understands it.

The INTP is usually very independent, unconventional, and original. They are not likely to place much value on traditional goals such as popularity and security. They usually have complex characters, and may tend to be restless and temperamental. They are strongly ingenious, and have unconventional thought patterns which allows them to analyze ideas in new ways. Consequently, a lot of scientific breakthroughs in the world have been made by the INTP.

The INTP is at his best when he can work on his theories independently. When given an environment which supports his creative genius and possible eccentricity, the INTP can accomplish truly remarkable things. These are the pioneers of new thoughts in our society.

INTJ-The scientist

As an INTJ, your primary mode of living is focused internally, where you take things in primarily via your intuition. Your secondary mode is external, where you deal with things rationally and logically.

INTJs live in the world of ideas and strategic planning. They value intelligence, knowledge, and competence, and typically have high standards in these regards, which they continuously strive to fulfill. To a somewhat lesser extent, they have similar expectations of others.

With Introverted Intuition dominating their personality, INTJs focus their energy on observing the world, and generating ideas and possibilities. Their mind constantly gathers information and makes associations about it. They are tremendously insightful and usually are very quick to understand new ideas. However, their primary interest is not understanding a concept, but rather applying that concept in a useful way. Unlike the INTP, they do not follow an idea as far as they possibly can, seeking only to understand it fully. INTJs are driven to come to conclusions about ideas. Their need for closure and organization usually requires that they take some action.

INTJ's tremendous value and need for systems and organization, combined with their natural insightfulness, makes them excellent scientists. An INTJ scientist gives a gift to society by putting their ideas into a useful form for others to follow. It is not easy for the INTJ to express their internal images, insights, and abstractions. The internal form of the INTJ's thoughts and concepts is highly individualized, and is not readily translatable into a form that others will understand. However, the INTJ is driven to translate their ideas into a plan or system that is usually readily explainable, rather than to do a direct translation of their thoughts. They usually don't see the value of a direct transaction, and will also have difficulty expressing their ideas, which are non-linear. However, their extreme respect of knowledge and intelligence will motivate them to explain themselves to another person who they feel is deserving of the effort.

INTJs are natural leaders, although they usually choose to remain in the background until they see a real need to take over the lead. When they are in leadership roles, they are quite effective, because they are able to objectively see the reality of a situation, and are adaptable enough to change things which aren't working well. They are the supreme strategists - always scanning available ideas and concepts and weighing them against their current strategy, to plan for every conceivable contingency.

INTJs spend a lot of time inside their own minds, and may have little interest in the other people's thoughts or feelings. Unless their Feeling side is developed, they may have problems giving other people the level of intimacy that is needed. Unless their Sensing side is developed, they may have a tendency to ignore details which are necessary for implementing their ideas.

The INTJ's interest in dealing with the world is to make decisions, express judgments, and put everything that they encounter into an understandable and rational system. Consequently, they are quick to express judgments. Often they have very evolved intuitions, and are convinced that they are right about things. Unless they complement their intuitive understanding with a well-developed ability to express their insights, they may find themselves frequently misunderstood. In these cases, INTJs tend to blame misunderstandings on the limitations of the other party, rather than on their own difficulty in expressing themselves. This tendency may cause the INTJ to dismiss others input too quickly, and to become generally arrogant and elitist.

INTJs are ambitious, self-confident, deliberate, long-range thinkers. Many INTJs end up in engineering or scientific pursuits, although some find enough challenge within the business world in areas which involve organizing and strategic planning. They dislike messiness and inefficiency, and anything that is muddled or unclear. They value clarity and efficiency, and will put enormous amounts of energy and time into consolidating their insights into structured patterns.

Other people may have a difficult time understanding an INTJ. They may see them as aloof and reserved. Indeed, the INTJ is not overly demonstrative of their affections, and is likely to not give as much praise or positive support as others may need or desire. That doesn't mean that he or she doesn't truly have affection or regard for others, they simply do not typically feel the need to express it. Others may falsely perceive the INTJ as being rigid and set in their ways. Nothing could be further from the truth, because the INTJ is committed to always finding the objective best strategy to implement their ideas. The INTJ is usually quite open to hearing an alternative way of doing something.

When under a great deal of stress, the INTJ may become obsessed with mindless repetitive, Sensate activities, such as over-drinking. They may also tend to become absorbed with minutia and details that they would not normally consider important to their overall goal.

INTJs need to remember to express themselves sufficiently, so as to avoid difficulties with people misunderstandings. In the absence of properly developing their communication abilities, they may become abrupt and short with people, and isolationists.

INTJs have a tremendous amount of ability to accomplish great things. They have insight into the Big Picture, and are driven to synthesize their concepts into solid plans of action. Their reasoning skills gives them the means to accomplish that. INTJs are most always highly competent people, and will not have a problem meeting their career or education goals. They have the capability to make great strides in these arenas. On a personal level, the INTJ who practices tolerances and puts effort into effectively communicating their insights to others has everything in his or her power to lead a rich and rewarding life.

INFJ- The Protector

As an INFJ, your primary mode of living is focused internally, where you take things in primarily via intuition. Your secondary mode is external, where you deal with things according to how you feel about them, or how they fit with your personal value system.

INFJs are gentle, caring, complex and highly intuitive individuals. Artistic and creative, they live in a world of hidden meanings and possibilities. Only one percent of the population has an INFJ Personality Type, making it the most rare of all the types.

INFJs place great importance on havings things orderly and systematic in their outer world. They put a lot of energy into identifying the best system for getting things done, and constantly define and re-define the priorities in their lives. On the other hand, INFJs operate within themselves on an intuitive basis which is entirely spontaneous. They know things intuitively, without being able to pinpoint why, and without detailed knowledge of the subject at hand. They are usually right, and they usually know it. Consequently, INFJs put a tremendous amount of faith into their instincts and intuitions. This is something of a conflict between the inner and outer worlds, and may result in the INFJ not being as organized as other Judging types tend to be. Or we may see some signs of disarray in an otherwise orderly tendency, such as a consistently messy desk.

INFJs have uncanny insight into people and situations. They get "feelings" about things and intuitively understand them. As an extreme example, some INFJs report experiences of a psychic nature, such as getting strong feelings about there being a problem with a loved one, and discovering later that they were in a car accident. This is the sort of thing that other types may scorn and scoff at, and the INFJ themself does not really understand their intuition at a level which can be verbalized. Consequently, most INFJs are protective of their inner selves, sharing only what they choose to share when they choose to share it. They are deep, complex individuals, who are quite private and typically difficult to understand. INFJs hold back part of themselves, and can be secretive.

But the INFJ is as genuinely warm as they are complex. INFJs hold a special place in the heart of people who they are close to, who are able to see their special gifts and depth of caring. INFJs are concerned for people's feelings, and try to be gentle to avoid hurting anyone. They are very sensitive to conflict, and cannot tolerate it very well. Situations which are charged with conflict may drive the normally peaceful INFJ into a state of agitation or charged anger. They may tend to internalize conflict into their bodies, and experience health problems when under a lot of stress.

Because the INFJ has such strong intuitive capabilities, they trust their own instincts above all else. This may result in an INFJ stubborness and tendency to ignore other people's opinions. They believe that they're right. On the other hand, INFJ is a perfectionist who doubts that they are living up to their full potential. INFJs are rarely at complete peace with themselves - there's always something else they should be doing to improve themselves and the world around them. They believe in constant growth, and don't often take time to revel in their accomplishments. They have strong value systems, and need to live their lives in accordance with what they feel is right. In deference to the Feeling aspect of their personalities, INFJs are in some ways gentle and easy going. Conversely, they have very high expectations of themselves, and frequently of their families. They don't believe in compromising their ideals.

INFJ is a natural nurturer; patient, devoted and protective. They make loving parents and usually have strong bonds with their offspring. They have high expectations of their children, and push them to be the best that they can be. This can sometimes manifest itself in the INFJ being hard-nosed and stubborn. But generally, children of an INFJ get devoted and sincere parental guidance, combined with deep caring.

In the workplace, the INFJ usually shows up in areas where they can be creative and somewhat independent. They have a natural affinity for art, and many excel in the sciences, where they make use of their intuition. INFJs can also be found in service-oriented professions. They are not good at dealing with minutia or very detailed tasks. The INFJ will either avoid such things, or else go to the other extreme and become enveloped in the details to the extent that they can no longer see the big picture. An INFJ who has gone the route of becoming meticulous about details may be highly critical of other individuals who are not.

The INFJ individual is gifted in ways that other types are not. Life is not necessarily easy for the INFJ, but they are capable of great depth of feeling and personal achievement.

ISTP-The Mechanic

As an ISTP, your primary mode of living is focused internally, where you deal with things rationally and logically. Your secondary mode is external, where you take things in via your five senses in a literal, concrete fashion.

ISTPs have a compelling drive to understand the way things work. They're good at logical analysis, and like to use it on practical concerns. They typically have strong powers of reasoning, although they're not interested in theories or concepts unless they can see a practical application. They like to take things apart and see the way they work.

ISTPs have an adventuresome spirit. They are attracted to motorcycles, airplanes, sky diving, surfing, etc. They thrive on action, and are usually fearless. ISTPs are fiercely independent, needing to have the space to make their own decisions about their next step. They do not believe in or follow rules and regulations, as this would prohibit their ability to "do their own thing". Their sense of adventure and desire for constant action makes ISTPs prone to becoming bored rather quickly.

ISTPs are loyal to their causes and beliefs, and are firm believers that people should be treated with equity and fairness. Although they do not respect the rules of the "System", they follow their own rules and guidelines for behavior faithfully. They will not take part in something which violates their personal laws. ISTPs are extremely loyal and faithful to their "brothers".

ISTPs like and need to spend time alone, because this is when they can sort things out in their minds most clearly. They absorb large quantities of impersonal facts from the external world, and sort through those facts, making judgments, when they are alone.

ISTPs are action-oriented people. They like to be up and about, doing things. They are not people to sit behind a desk all day and do long-range planning. Adaptable and spontaneous, they respond to what is immediately before them. They usually have strong technical skills, and can be effective technical leaders. They focus on details and practical things. They have an excellent sense of expediency and grasp of the details which enables them to make quick, effective decisions.

ISTPs avoid making judgments based on personal values - they feel that judgments and decisions should be made impartially, based on the fact. They are not naturally tuned in to how they are affecting others. They do not pay attention to their own feelings, and even distrust them and try to ignore them, because they have difficulty distinguishing between emotional reactions and value judgments. This may be a problem area for many ISTPs.

An ISTP who is over-stressed may exhibit rash emotional outbursts of anger, or on the other extreme may be overwhelmed by emotions and feelings which they feel compelled to share with people (often inappropriately). An ISTP who is down on themself will foray into the world of value judgments - a place which is not natural for the ISTP - and judge themself by their inability to perform some task. They will then approach the task in a grim emotional state, expecting the worst.

ISTPs are excellent in a crisis situations. They're usually good athletes, and have very good hand-eye coordination. They are good at following through with a project, and tying up loose ends. They usually don't have much trouble with school, because they are introverts who can think logically. They are usually patient individuals, although they may be prone to occasional emotional outbursts due to their inattention to their own feelings.

ISTPs have a lot of natural ability which makes them good at many different kinds of things. However, they are happiest when they are centered in action-oriented tasks which require detailed logical analysis and technical skill. They take pride in their ability to take the next correct step.

ISTPs are optimistic, full of good cheer, loyal to their equals, uncomplicated in their desires, generous, trusting and receptive people who want no part in confining commitments.

I wonder which one I am... Help please?

If you want me to be a nerd, I will always be your nerd, forever and ever. by Goh Jian-Yong

Todays fishing trip was kinda fun. Firstly I met up with wei xin at 1 utama as planned as went to have our breakfast at a mamak store. Not long after we finished eating we went to centrepoint to pick up yu beng, who is there because his mother was in a rush. After that, we spent a long time finding for the fishing place. The funny thing is, the place is located near the kelana jaya giant and we ended up going to subang jaya. =.= After a long search, we finally found the place but it only opens after 3.00p.m , what kinda people will start fishing at that hour? So in the end, wei xin decided to go to the one at sungai buloh. Right before we leave the fishing pond at kelana jaya, jian-yong called and asked us to pick him up from centrepoint. We picked the kid up and went on the journey. At first, wei xin wanted to try the fishing pond right behind his aunts house, but its gone I think, so we went to another one where wei xin didn't know where is it mentioned by him earlier. After looking around, we finally found the place. But the thing is, the fishing there is quite expensive, so we shared the rods among ourselves. At first, all of us has no idea how to toss the bait out since we don't have any experiences and wei xin had never used this kind of rod before. Luckily, a man came and taught us how to fish. But after fishing for quite sometime, nothing was biting, maybe there were, but we just didn't know it. We wasted a few baits by tossing the bait too hard that it flew of the hook. So I got bored and started playing with jian-yong's rubics cube. All of sudden, something was caught by the hook on our rod( me and jian-yong). Wei Xin and Yu beng saw that and came to assist us while another man nearby came to teach us how to reel it in, but it got away in the end. Not long after, I think that man caught the fish. While I am unaware of anything, wei xin saw a fish swimming near the shore, so he used the net and caught it.... Thus, we caught a fish due to luck. After that, we sat there and chat but nothing was caught on the hook eventhough the bait goes missing after we reeled it in. Not long after, our time limit is up and we went out of the fishing grounds. Wei Xin, Yu Beng and Jian-yong split the fish among themselves since I find it quite wasteful to give me the fish since my mom wouldn't be cooking it in this few day and I had bad experiences with moving around with a raw fish nearby me thanks to someone *er hem* Aaron *. Wei Xin sent yu beng to a clinic since his mom is there and sent me and Jian-Yong to smk bu3. Once we entered the school, some of jian-yong's junior greeted him when they saw him and it was funny since they referred him as Sir. We walked around the school, and my heart nearly jump out(metaphorically speaking) when I saw her...... Sheesh, I'd rather not see here at all.Anyway, after a while I got bored of the school and wanted to leave but jian-yong didn't want to since its drizzling, so I left him there. So there I was, walking home in the rain, its kinda cool if you ask me, but I heard something behind me all of sudden and it was jian-yong. Once I saw him and talked for a bit, it started raining heavily(is he some kinda rain child?), so we ran towards Mcdonalds and sat there while jian-yong waits for his father and sisters. I got a message from my driving instructor that my driving lesson is postponed, haiz... I have to wait longer now... After chatting for a while, jian-yong's father came and we parted our ways........ Once I reached home, I took my bath and went to bed since I was freakin tired. Oh and by the way, I heard the same song three times today(or yesterday) and it was freakin annoying.

After complaining of being bored this whole time, I realised that wasn't really the real problem I have. The real problem lies in my heart. All this time, I was just lying to myself that I was bored. Maybe in the beginning of the year, like for the first 10 days, I was just bored. I was bored of being bored after a while and stopped being bored. In the end, my real problem was the fact that I am all alone, still stuck in the past while everyone proceeded to the future. They have new hobbies, new stuff to do, new friends, new stuff to study and everything new. At the mean time, all I was doing was to sit at home doing nothing. I am aware that some friends who even bothered to care told me to go find a job, but working isn't something I wanna do now, all I want is just to study like last time with friends and have fun and joke around. Geez, I just made myself more depressed after thinking about my future school.... Lets see, I guess I am going form 6, where it will get very lonely for me, not to mention I am still stuck with general paper. The only thing that comforts me would be form 6 being VERY challenging and I will be able to concentrate more since, well, I will be alone after all.
Man, its hard to change like everyone else, everyone seemed to be able to socialise more since they went college, or where they like that since last time just that I didn't notice. Guess no one cared anyway, I am just a nobody.

78723491

This is the time where I will finally issue war.

Stuff I will never study because I dislike them:
A. Business (You don't have to study to do business)
B. Hospitality( Not against cooking though, I love cooking,but learning how to serve?Definitely a no no)
C. Accounting(Whats the point of counting
D. Anything related to history( I don't care about the past unless its interesting)
E. Law (I hate rules)
Common reasons why I dislike them: Imagine being stranded in an island, will any of these save you? As I said, I didn't include cooking.

So what if you earn big in the end, but you have to know one thing, money can't buy everything even though its the thing that most people want, and its also the thing that is as powerful as "love".

Subjects I love are the ones with cold hard facts(not statistics, as it exist because of humans), what I love are the studies about nature and matter as they are there long before humans exist.

April blues

Crap, its the beginning of april and I am still stuck in this situation.
Ever wonder what happens when you ask for help, no one hear you? You can ask me, but not here,I am saying this 'cause a certain someone I know who actually reads this will do it here.
Let me tell a story, just joking, at least it not on this blog, I will update the other one soon, I didn't touch it since July last year. I missed quite a lot this year, scratch that, did I say quite? I mean I missed out a whole lot. Sheesh, every single year, during april fool, I will prank people, but looks like its not gonna happen anymore. To be frank, I didn't know I'd say this, but I kinda missed my class from form 5, no, its my friends from form 5. I may not enjoy the whole year, but they became the reason why I can still be happy sometimes. Sadly, now, its nothing but sweet memories.

Into the world unknown.

When I look around, I see everyone enjoying their life,
though this may be wrong, but I have this sinking feeling in my heart,
I guess this is because I am alone,
and I will be alone facing the unknown world that lies ahead of me,
is this what I am destined to do? Always facing the unknown?
Maybe this is why everything seems like a dream when I have friends with me,
maybe it is a dream from the start and I just woke up from this dream.
I have to meet more new people with new me again I guess.


And I just realised one thing, this happens to me every single time I graduate.

Stay away from me.

Its approaching me, I can feel its breath behind my neck, I thought I escaped from it after form three but I was wrong. Its still following me, guess it is impossible to run from my failure, I must do what people must do when out of option, overcome the failure.

Every being seeks to be whole by doing something important. An empty
heart feels the same, its incomplete and seek completion. An empty heart
is just like an empty room at night, looking into that room is just a sad sight.
There are lots of way of completing the empty heart, just like there are many
ways of filling up the room. But the weirdest thing is, sometimes, when the heart is
whole, it will miss being empty, being incomplete.

For some reason, I am kinda looking forward to the release day of the SPM results. I know that I will feel extremely pissed on that day but somehow, my heart wants the it. Maybe my heart wants the feeling of relief, or it wants to feel sad or it simply just want some entertainment. One word: Boring....... I am starting to hate this even more now. By the way, who wants to meet up after getting the results? Why am I saying this? Because I am positive that no one will know that I said this, its so predictable. So let me do more. Can I please meet up with everyone getting the SPM results? I missed you guys sooooo much, I just want to see you guys. HAHAHAHAHA. Or rather, hey, lets go hang out after getting the results, shall we? Hmmm?

This is for fun

Ten millions friends I have,
Its not like I have that much,
Only a crazy will have that much friends.

Sometimes I love to joke,
But no one will laugh with me,
I really think that it is kinda sad,

I'd like to make myself believe
That Goh Jian-Yong will be taller
It's hard to know if my wallet
Will ever grow fatter
Cause everything is never as it seems

'Cause I'd get no hugs at all
Because I am all alone,
Stuck in my house rotting to the core

You may think I'm really lame
But I don't give a damn at all
'Cause I know that your opinion is trash

I'd like to make myself believe
That Marcus will understand this
It's hard to tell whether I would
Cheer up or stay like this
'Cause everything is never as it seems

Not going to school is really boring
(Please take me away from here)
I really hope I can play baseball
(Please take me away from here)
Why do I bother telling you
(Please take me away from here)
Its not like you can save me from this

To everyone who's out there
I weird 'cause I love to think
About something that doesn't exist

Can someone please help me now
Just tell me what can I do
To erase all my random emotions

I'd like to make myself believe
That Lee Chie Yang doesn't show off
Its hard to say whether tomorrow
Will be a sunny day
'Cause I don't know about weather forecasting

I'd like to make myself believe
That Melvin Loong will stay long
Its hard to say that I won't dare to
Speak to her anymore
'Cause everything is never as it seems

I'd like to make myself believe
That the future will be brighter
Its hard to say that I'd rather stay
Asleep when I'm awake
Because I really hate reality......

New Resolve

I will now stand back up and shun myself from the horrible past, if the world is going to be unfavourable to me, I don't care anymore, I will make the world go my way, making it favourable for me. I am going to try this new attitude when I start my studies few months later. So this is what I do, I don't care what people think of me anymore, instead, I will make them follow me for who I am, I will find that charisma I don't have for 17 years , two months and 16 days. One more problem is.... If I am going to a class full of mandarin speaking people, it will be hard... As mandarin speaking people are hard to mix with, this is why going college is easier. =.= Well then, I will eventually find my way I guess. Hello new found confidence, hope my flame of resolve wouldn't extinguish when I get my SPM results though.

Welcome to the NHK

N-Nihon
H-Hikkikomori
K-Kyokai

After months of being imprisoned at home and not being able to study yet, I found out that I don't socialise that much anymore(not that I do it that much before this). I am indeed being something like a hikkikomori, just that I am not afraid of going out of my house. Well, being a part hikkikomori isn't fun at all, in fact, its reaally boring. I think alot during my alone time too, like why am I stuck here, or will this be permanent for me. Sometimes, I even made myself feel much more lonely. Maybe that is how a hikkikomori will feel. Right now, all I want is just to study the subjects I like, its just that simple.... But because of me being really useless, I am forced to wait for the results eventhough I know that it will end badly. Sometimes, I really wish I could abandon this life and start a new life somewhere else, being a different me, maybe things will turn out better. Unfortunately, I have to wait for a long period of time for me to be able to do that. After all these stuff I just said, I just remembered, I am still a part hikkikomori, stuck here, feeling really bored and lonely.... Lets just hope I will not experience this kind of life in the future, I can't believe I am saying this, but I really miss interacting with interesting people. Another thing I learned while being a part hikkikomori is, make sure you do something other than playing videogames or watching tv when you are bored, do something educational or something that requires you to move around. Playing videogames for the whole day will just make you feel that you wasted your whole day.... (I really miss school.......)

Its taking forever.......

Right now, I hope that the results will come soon. It funny that the only thing that I am looking forward to is the thing that will hurt me the most. Now I hope these few years will pass swiftly so I wouldn't have to feel the depression and finally leave. I really hate the fact that I am stuck here with nothing interesting to entertain me. When will the results come out????? I want this boredom to end sooner. I really hate this place..... Sadly, my only ticket away from this shithole is my STPM... How ridiculous, I have to take another subject I know I will hate for another 1 and a half year while other people are studying at college... I don't see Einstein having this problem. =.= I really hope this disgusting ordeal I will go through will pay off.... Come to think of it, must I really ace General Paper to get a FULL scholarship? My guess is yes, but why?????? I don't even think that I need to know anything about that in the future. If so, why can't I learn it in english?????? Heck, if everything I learn is in english, I wouldn't be going Form 6 anymore.................. In fact, I will not be as depressed as I am right now. Darn it......

Bored of being bored.

As usual, valentines day is just another depressing day..... The worst thing about this year's valentines day is, its a sunday andS its also the first day of chinese new year, so I can't be in a quite place alone. Everywhere is just so A darn noisy. Also, since I wouldn't be reminded of that person since I can't see that person, today V is just sooo darn boring. I am so bored right now that I am bored of being bored. So being so bored E, I had no choice but to complain about my boredom. Well, I hope Jian-Yong will entertain ME by making a move this year. I am guessing most normal people must've already did something FoR their someOne special. I aM so bored, so bored, so bored. Also, there are a few things that are making me frustrated. Firstly, I don't want to go form 6..... I hate the general paper. Then I don't want to go to a local university, it sucks. Lastly, my SPM results are coming out, I'm afraid that the same thing that happened when I was 15 will happen again. I want to change MY LIFE forever, but I just don't know how......................... Why must everything be so annoying!?

New words

All of these are copyrighted.

Coolawesome- Really awesome

Now, what are you called if you are hot and cool at the same time? At this time, you should use this word to describe yourself.

Hool= Hot+Cool

Using this word, another new word is also created,

Hoolawesome- Super hot and awesome!!!!

I will think about other words some other time.

The truth is..... who cares?

Day by day, I am getting more and more depressed. Nothing can ease my sorrows and no one can help me at all. The boredom I have right now is making my condition worst. Everything I see and everything I think of will also sadden me more. Is there nothing that can actually help? Of course, this is like asking a wall what to do. I really hope something interesting will finally happen in my life or someone special will finally appear in my life, but obviously, the chances of those stuff happening is quite little.

More depressions......

Its January 23rd year 2010. Current achievements? None. I am currently not studying at all because of my unluckiness and uselessness..... Maybe I should just accept the fact that I am still once again tied to this place. To make matters worst, all I could ever remember now would be all my past failures and nothing else. I even blew my one and only chance to escape from this depressing life of mine. I really don't understand why everyone will be complaining about the assignments from college or migrating overseas or something like that. Aren't they aware that there are people like me who wants that to happen to us but don't even have a chance. As if being alone having nothing to do isn't depressing enough, once again, I have to meet retards again. Whats with me and meeting people who don't even deserve knowing my name!? I seem to always meet those people in my life. Nothing interesting ever happen in my life, and sometimes, just when I was motivated to do something, I will just get hit hard in the face and be disappointed again. It seems like my only companion through all this sorrow is myself, this is because only me will understand the pain. I am really fed up of this world, sometimes, I really wonder if there are other worlds out there, why am I stuck here? Anyway, who care about all of this? No one was living my life.