Combo

ARGH!!! When I think about shutting down my laptop, I think about my procrastination, then when I think about that, I will think about my research, which I didn't touch yet, then when I think of that, I will think about my studies, then when I think of it, I will think of school, then when I think of school, I will think about crap(metaphorically speaking, mind you), then this is where everything starts to be annoying, I will think about what might happen if I failed the exams, then I will start thinking about my past failures, then I will think about the stuff that happens in my life that disgusts me and annoys me(around 98% of the stuff that happened), then I will think about the chances of it happening to me again, then I will hope for a miracle to happen, only to shun it off as the chances of that happening will be around 0.000000001%(roughly), then I will get all depressed again, then I will turn of the laptop, lie down on my bed, being depressed, escaping into the game world where everything goes my way and then I sleep when I am tired. This is basically how I procrastinate. Note: The part about shutting down the laptop may change.

Well, I spent these few days playing Runefactory 3, it was fun. Storyline, gameplay and graphics are very nice. What matters the most was.. It helped me see the world from a different perspective, perhaps I will be the one who will understand what I meant.

Summary of 2010

The year is almost ending. When I look back, I can see that this whole year was merely nonsense. I spent the first half of the year being extremely desperate to go school. After that, when I started school, I realised that the thing I've always wanted since the starting of this year is a bunch of bullshit. My grades are failing, the school sucks(I am telling you, I hate it there!). The only good thing that ever happened to me was the end of the year holidays.... I just can't believe it, one year was wasted just like that. Well, guess what? The bunch of bullshit I mentioned earlier? It has a part 2, but it only gets worst... I have to suffer another year of bullshit+a bonus at the end of the year! This time.... I really have to do something about my failing grades and not put my sufferings to waste. I sure missed the good old days...

You know, I think I have problem communicating with other people. This has gone from bad to worse since form 1. I mean when people are bored, they chat with their friends, but me, I can't seem to know what to talk about, additionally, I find myself quite boring... I also have another problem, I always end up at places I don't like, end up with people I don't like nowadays, maybe I took the everyone from last time for granted, eventhough I used get left out. Geez.... The worst is, why am I letting this get in my head!? I've always thought that by being alone, studies will be okay, but now, I realised one thing, its not easy being all alone, there is no one, absolutely NO ONE, who could help you when you encounter some problems in your studies. Or there are also times when you need someone to motivate you to study and improve yourself, this will also be a problem, why? Because no one can help. Argh, I wish there is a way to solve this.

I don't know about anyone else, but I think finding for someone who like the stuff I can like and not piss me off an impossible task. I mean, what kind of people likes to study what I study and is interested in what I am interested in while being someone I don't mind hanging out with.... People just made it look so simple... Will this last forever!?

Isn't this sad? Lets say, a warrior will enter battles after battles. And then, after many years, and after conquering many battles, he will find nothing but this empty feeling. Or maybe, this person, who have been chasing a dream where the whole world thinks its impossible to achieve, finally achieves it, but then to realise this problem, what happens after that? All this time, this person has only one goal in life, everything changes after that goal is achieved, everything this person know will never be the same anymore, so what happens? Lastly, this little boy who can see the path that he will be taking, after going through chains of unfavourable events, what lies in the end is nothing but emptiness..... Try being invisible and inaudible all of sudden, you exist, but you can't interact with anything in this world, then you look at the world without you, looking for someone who can help you to get out of this state but you can't since you don't exist in everyone's eye. Isn't it sad and scary?

Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more?
Before your life is over
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

No one ever lied straight to your face
And no one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
You never had to work it was always there
You don't know what it's like, what it's like

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like (what it's like)

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life