So I was bored and I took this personality test called the humanmetrics jung typology test online. And the result was INTP. It seems interesting. Would be fun to see other people try it and see what their personality type is.

Another unproductive day, damn, procrastination is my worst enemy. There are so many things I wanted to accomplish and yet, here I am, procrastinating. And curse you too, short attention span. Dammit, why the hell is it so hard to get started on my own work? There are so many things on my checklist that is still unchecked.

I guess this is life, things never go as you wanted it. There is no way to change that fact even though it is hard to accept that fact. I just hate this, I really hate this. Why can't things just go as I wanted just for once? Now I have to suffer all over again.. I hate this sooooo freaking much.

wRY

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No matter where I go, people will tell me that no man is an island, ahahahahaha, that's what I'll get if I sit all alone in a corner. I just realised I have no idea how to interact with strangers, sometimes, it amazes me how I managed to have people to talk to in the past and actually made friends. Well, if that's the case, I'll just try and prove the theory wrong if the problem persists, ahahahahaha. 

By the way, why must the timing of everything be so darn off? 

Don't look if you don't want to, I warned you, I am dead serious.

It's been years since everything stopped for me. Well, I wasn't at the best state of mind too. Typing out my thoughts here is the only thing I can do to keep part of me sane. I know people say it will help a lot if you were to talk to someone about your problems. But, what is the point? Can they really help you make the problems go away? I don't think so. All they can do is just to listen to you talk, some may not even care, and after they leave, you will only feel worst than ever. The only thing I can do about these problems is by doing something else, hence my tendency to procrastinate. It just sucks when you lack the ability to solve your own problem.

It feels so foreign, looking at how other people are living their life, it's like I am looking at another world.

Let me tell you a story of someone's life,let's just call the someone Sam, please, ignore my grammar mistakes. To be clear, the story has nothing to do with anyone or anything or any events that happened in real life and is purely fictional. The story will be split into arcs.

Pre Kindergarten:
Sam was a very quiet kid, in fact, the kid was suspected to be a slow child as Sam haven't developed the ability to speak when all the kids around Sam's age can already speak. Because of this, other kids tend to isolate and ignore Sam.

Kindergarten:
Well, even though Sam learned to talk, Sam was still kind of slow. Sam was a troubled kid in the kindergarten, being the one that always cause trouble to the teacher or any adults around Sam. Sam may have made some "friends", but somehow it felt like the feeling wasn't mutual.

Primary:
As any kids around Sam's age will do, Sam made some friends, but, the ones Sam made for the first three years of primary school didn't last very long. As for the fourth year, Sam's family moved to another house because of some family problem. Somehow, Sam managed to stumble upon a boy, who is a neighbor and a classmate, that's the first time Sam made friends with someone who compares their results every time after an exam, thus, a rival is born. So for the last three years of Sam's primary school life, Sam's parents got divorced, Sam met Sam's first love(Sam regretted it years later) and Sam made a few more friends (some stayed while some drifted away in the future). In the last year of primary school life, Sam experienced the first major failure of Sam's life, the major exam that all the grade 6 students have to take. While Sam's friends were cheering for their results when their results were out, Sam was sulking in a corner, the friends did try to console Sam, but it was useless. After that, students were assigned to different school and Sam was sent to a different school from most of Sam friends and that's when they drifted apart.

Family:
To make things clear, Sam wasn't from a rich family, maybe Sam's father has some extra money to spend on Sam's toy in the beginning of Sam's life, but it changed. Also, after the divorce, Sam's father moved out few years later, as for Sam's mother, she became someone that Sam dislikes most of the time because of the mental torture given to Sam by Sam's mother most of the time.

Middle High:
Back to the story, the first year was the worst for Sam, being not used to the things taught in class, Sam was doing bad at studies despite being quite good in primary school. To make matters worst, Sam was a lazy student that doesn't pay attention in class. As for making friends, in the attempt of socializing with Sam's classmates, Sam upset all of them for they do not like Sam's attitude, thus, becoming the public enemy number one of Sam's class , being teased, being hated. That was one of the thing that made Sam what Sam is now, partially antisocial, being afraid of rejection by other people. Things got better in the second year, yea, there are still some haters in Sam's new class, but Sam still managed to make some friends that are still around currently. As for Sam's studies, Sam got better compared to the previous year but was still underachieving. Moving on to the third year, Sam was sent to another class with some of Sam's friend. Throughout the third year, Sam felt kind of left out as the new classmates Sam and friends met doesn't like Sam at all despite hanging out with Sam's friends, perhaps a bit of the annoying old Sam is still present within Sam. However, Sam's studies improved a lot more that year. At the end of the third years, Sam made the second failure of Sam's life, another major exam year 3 students have to take, the one that determines the type of class the students will go to.

High school:
Fortunately for Sam, Sam got the the type of class Sam wanted, Sam was sent to the class along with the friends from Sam's previous class. High school was much better for Sam, yes, Sam is left out sometimes, but Sam did manage to make more new friends that are still around. Studies were better for Sam now, however, due to the event in year 3, Sam's nature changed and it wasn't good enough. The last year of high school with   friends was the best year in Sam's life, for the first time ever, Sam managed to make friends with everyone in the class, everyone in the class was close as ever. Class trips, class party and all sorts of things like that was organised. So as all the happy things always do, the year ended extremely fast. The major exam for that last year was a failure, causing Sam to fail to get scholarships for college as it's the only way for Sam.

Pre U:
Unable to go college like the rest of Sam's friend, Sam stayed back at high school level for a Pre U course for poor students. However, the program doesn't start in the beginning of the year, instead, there was a few months wait for Sam. Sam tried working, but it didn't end well. So after months of waiting, Sam started the course at a new school. Unlike Sam's previous years, Sam started becoming more and more antisocial in school and that went on for another year and a half. There was a major exam in the last year of the course, it was the most important one among all the rest of the major exams Sam took. After graduating, Sam waited another few more months (similar to the ones Sam had before Pre U but more tormenting, courtesy of Sam's mother) only to find out that Sam did not get assigned to the university Sam wanted, instead to a university far away from home, the worst thing is, Sam was also forced to study a course Sam doesn't want. Sam was determined to try and change this, but it doesn't seem that possible at all. Here comes the funniest thing, Sam was told by Sam's mother that, she will not pay for Sam's living expenses as she can't afford it, and that Sam has to ask Sam's father, who is equally poor, for money, funny right??? Maybe this is.........

                                                            THE END

Should've practised writing a story a long time ago....

Unless you are driven up to that point, you will never understand why would someone commit suicide.

What is the point of doing research on particles, subatomic particles, or anything like that? Its not like we can use the knowledge practically, at least not any that I know. I hope this path I chose will not lead to a dead end.

Its really hard to find someone who is intelligent and creative at the same time, someone who majors in lets say physics yet he/she is interested in things that most of his/her peer find childish. I would like to meet someone like that.

Its approaching!!!!

19 more days!!!! I am worried because I get distracted all the time. Every single time I try to study, I will end up doing something else 5 minutes later, and then..... it will take me hours to realize that I got sidetracked...

Please help... I am bored...................... FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

Contradictions

I spot various contradictions in my life, how I feel, how I live, how everything is for me, to put it simple, my very existence is a contradiction. This happens when you can't make decisions firmly.

Cornered

Zzzz..... After reading the timetable for STPM, I am starting to feel the tension. Which is good, I haven't felt this for a long time.... So I gotta study everyday now, hope I don't slack of like I used to. I went through all this crap just  to do well in STPM, I can't just give up like this. I will study to the EXTREME!!!!!

Better than everything else.

Well, my results for the first term was crappy. But I ensure everyone, I will not get this kinda result for the STPM, I will score a GPA of 4.0. Yes, straight As, and not just any As, the As of the finest quality. I know I have never accomplished something like that in the past, but I have to push myself to the very limit. I don't have any other choice now, my pride is at stake. Oh yea, and I am going to participate in 3 quizzes, Physics, Chemistry, and Math, I have to do well in those three quizzes too. So, here it is. I WILL GET A GPA OF 4.0 FOR STPM THIS YEAR!!!!!

Reality!?

I am so sick of the world... All the rules, everyone trying control people, telling people what to do, what not to do. And I find the world a boring place after trying to visualize what lies ahead, I graduate, then I go to another university, what then? Will anything change? And looking back into the past made me realized one thing, I wasted a lot of time. While people are doing things that can only be done when they are young, I was just sitting around doing nothing. And again, the world.. Would it be fun if you can just interact with other people easily just like in the games? Or go on an adventure like the ones in games? The perfect world, the wonderful world where you will never feel lonely, where you will never feel vulnerable, where no one will annoy you, where no one will get in your way. Gosh, wouldn't it be nice if that is the reality?

Combo

ARGH!!! When I think about shutting down my laptop, I think about my procrastination, then when I think about that, I will think about my research, which I didn't touch yet, then when I think of that, I will think about my studies, then when I think of it, I will think of school, then when I think of school, I will think about crap(metaphorically speaking, mind you), then this is where everything starts to be annoying, I will think about what might happen if I failed the exams, then I will start thinking about my past failures, then I will think about the stuff that happens in my life that disgusts me and annoys me(around 98% of the stuff that happened), then I will think about the chances of it happening to me again, then I will hope for a miracle to happen, only to shun it off as the chances of that happening will be around 0.000000001%(roughly), then I will get all depressed again, then I will turn of the laptop, lie down on my bed, being depressed, escaping into the game world where everything goes my way and then I sleep when I am tired. This is basically how I procrastinate. Note: The part about shutting down the laptop may change.

Well, I spent these few days playing Runefactory 3, it was fun. Storyline, gameplay and graphics are very nice. What matters the most was.. It helped me see the world from a different perspective, perhaps I will be the one who will understand what I meant.

Summary of 2010

The year is almost ending. When I look back, I can see that this whole year was merely nonsense. I spent the first half of the year being extremely desperate to go school. After that, when I started school, I realised that the thing I've always wanted since the starting of this year is a bunch of bullshit. My grades are failing, the school sucks(I am telling you, I hate it there!). The only good thing that ever happened to me was the end of the year holidays.... I just can't believe it, one year was wasted just like that. Well, guess what? The bunch of bullshit I mentioned earlier? It has a part 2, but it only gets worst... I have to suffer another year of bullshit+a bonus at the end of the year! This time.... I really have to do something about my failing grades and not put my sufferings to waste. I sure missed the good old days...