Into the world unknown.

When I look around, I see everyone enjoying their life,
though this may be wrong, but I have this sinking feeling in my heart,
I guess this is because I am alone,
and I will be alone facing the unknown world that lies ahead of me,
is this what I am destined to do? Always facing the unknown?
Maybe this is why everything seems like a dream when I have friends with me,
maybe it is a dream from the start and I just woke up from this dream.
I have to meet more new people with new me again I guess.


And I just realised one thing, this happens to me every single time I graduate.

Stay away from me.

Its approaching me, I can feel its breath behind my neck, I thought I escaped from it after form three but I was wrong. Its still following me, guess it is impossible to run from my failure, I must do what people must do when out of option, overcome the failure.

Every being seeks to be whole by doing something important. An empty
heart feels the same, its incomplete and seek completion. An empty heart
is just like an empty room at night, looking into that room is just a sad sight.
There are lots of way of completing the empty heart, just like there are many
ways of filling up the room. But the weirdest thing is, sometimes, when the heart is
whole, it will miss being empty, being incomplete.

For some reason, I am kinda looking forward to the release day of the SPM results. I know that I will feel extremely pissed on that day but somehow, my heart wants the it. Maybe my heart wants the feeling of relief, or it wants to feel sad or it simply just want some entertainment. One word: Boring....... I am starting to hate this even more now. By the way, who wants to meet up after getting the results? Why am I saying this? Because I am positive that no one will know that I said this, its so predictable. So let me do more. Can I please meet up with everyone getting the SPM results? I missed you guys sooooo much, I just want to see you guys. HAHAHAHAHA. Or rather, hey, lets go hang out after getting the results, shall we? Hmmm?

This is for fun

Ten millions friends I have,
Its not like I have that much,
Only a crazy will have that much friends.

Sometimes I love to joke,
But no one will laugh with me,
I really think that it is kinda sad,

I'd like to make myself believe
That Goh Jian-Yong will be taller
It's hard to know if my wallet
Will ever grow fatter
Cause everything is never as it seems

'Cause I'd get no hugs at all
Because I am all alone,
Stuck in my house rotting to the core

You may think I'm really lame
But I don't give a damn at all
'Cause I know that your opinion is trash

I'd like to make myself believe
That Marcus will understand this
It's hard to tell whether I would
Cheer up or stay like this
'Cause everything is never as it seems

Not going to school is really boring
(Please take me away from here)
I really hope I can play baseball
(Please take me away from here)
Why do I bother telling you
(Please take me away from here)
Its not like you can save me from this

To everyone who's out there
I weird 'cause I love to think
About something that doesn't exist

Can someone please help me now
Just tell me what can I do
To erase all my random emotions

I'd like to make myself believe
That Lee Chie Yang doesn't show off
Its hard to say whether tomorrow
Will be a sunny day
'Cause I don't know about weather forecasting

I'd like to make myself believe
That Melvin Loong will stay long
Its hard to say that I won't dare to
Speak to her anymore
'Cause everything is never as it seems

I'd like to make myself believe
That the future will be brighter
Its hard to say that I'd rather stay
Asleep when I'm awake
Because I really hate reality......

New Resolve

I will now stand back up and shun myself from the horrible past, if the world is going to be unfavourable to me, I don't care anymore, I will make the world go my way, making it favourable for me. I am going to try this new attitude when I start my studies few months later. So this is what I do, I don't care what people think of me anymore, instead, I will make them follow me for who I am, I will find that charisma I don't have for 17 years , two months and 16 days. One more problem is.... If I am going to a class full of mandarin speaking people, it will be hard... As mandarin speaking people are hard to mix with, this is why going college is easier. =.= Well then, I will eventually find my way I guess. Hello new found confidence, hope my flame of resolve wouldn't extinguish when I get my SPM results though.

Welcome to the NHK

N-Nihon
H-Hikkikomori
K-Kyokai

After months of being imprisoned at home and not being able to study yet, I found out that I don't socialise that much anymore(not that I do it that much before this). I am indeed being something like a hikkikomori, just that I am not afraid of going out of my house. Well, being a part hikkikomori isn't fun at all, in fact, its reaally boring. I think alot during my alone time too, like why am I stuck here, or will this be permanent for me. Sometimes, I even made myself feel much more lonely. Maybe that is how a hikkikomori will feel. Right now, all I want is just to study the subjects I like, its just that simple.... But because of me being really useless, I am forced to wait for the results eventhough I know that it will end badly. Sometimes, I really wish I could abandon this life and start a new life somewhere else, being a different me, maybe things will turn out better. Unfortunately, I have to wait for a long period of time for me to be able to do that. After all these stuff I just said, I just remembered, I am still a part hikkikomori, stuck here, feeling really bored and lonely.... Lets just hope I will not experience this kind of life in the future, I can't believe I am saying this, but I really miss interacting with interesting people. Another thing I learned while being a part hikkikomori is, make sure you do something other than playing videogames or watching tv when you are bored, do something educational or something that requires you to move around. Playing videogames for the whole day will just make you feel that you wasted your whole day.... (I really miss school.......)